Steve Z's tribute 12/5/10, Greens Fork, IN

(Editor's Note: Steve, thank you for passing on your written notes to me from your nice spoken tribute to Neil)

NEIL GILMER MEMORIAL 12/5/10

It's an honor to be here today to pay respects to Neil who would call today the "frozen tundra" he didn't miss after moving to Florida!

I first met Neil in 1990 upon joining Eaton in Southfield, MI. We quickly discovered we had each grown up in East Central IN- some 30-40 miles apart. In fact, my brother was at Butler University during the time Neil attended there.

Neil was a bedrock part of a great sales group which was very successful in the engine valve and lifter business for Eaton. He was a "go-to:" person for this group because of his extensive product and market knowledge and his unique strategic thinking ability which he was willing to share.

Upon our respective retirements in the late 1990's and upon his and Kay's move to Orlando, my wife Nancy and I spent more time with Neil and Kay- visiting, going boating, going to the Cape and other venues, especially eating out ! We were together on 9/11/01 and shared concern that evening for the safety of our nation. And we were together last March just before his unexpected diagnosis.

Neil and Kay introduced us to the Disney village of Celebration and assisted as we bought and furnished a small condo there. Neil became a watchman for our condo between our stays and we looked forward to our visits- and golf- over the years.

I was fortunate to have several rounds of golf with Neil and his great golfing neighbor and "brother", Tony Gonzalez. The friendship established between these two was great to see and be around. I can identify in a personal way with the kind words of Tony from last Sunday's memorial in Orland reprinted in Neil's website.

Neil appreciated golf courses where play was fast and a minimum of time was spent looking for lost balls in the water or the rough. He wasn't impressed with more complicated, manicured courses with lots of rough, waste areas or water- thats for hunting and fishing, not golfing!

It was during this time that Neil shared a Neilism with Nancy and I or our safety in Florida. "In any body of water, assume there is an alligator !"

As mentioned, we enjoyed getting together to eat at various venues. Of special liking was the Seasons 52 restaurant which ad a unique menu change every week of the year - thus the name. Nancy and I are pleased that a new Seasons 52 is being built in Indy. I'm sure we will frequent it often and will always remember Neil and Kay.

In late August, I was privileged to sped a week with Neil and Kay trying to help when it seemed like there as an event nearly every hour (24/7) and Kay was straining to keep up. My help was incidental to what I experienced ! I saw Kay as a most dedicated and tender care giver to Neil, her life's love. I also saw Neil as a tender and kind receiver of this love and care even when in dire circumstances and need. He handled his situation like the statesman hew was- with dignity !

I also saw the deep love, respect and support of Ellen and Dean. I saw the care and support of many medical people- Valarie, Rose, Carrie and many others affected by Neil's kind and thankful attitude. I saw the overwhelming concern and support of many neighbors and friends.

I not only saw all these happening but "felt" the deep love and concern in a special way. I was blessed for having been there!!

Steve and Nancy Z

Our Wake for Neil

Tonight was our informal “wake” for Neil with a few of his old work associates. Despite our tremendous sadness at losing him, we reveled in old stories and remembrances of Neil. We met for a couple of beers before dinner and then retired to Win Schulers in Marshall for dinner. This is a place that Neil had the opportunity to dine at many times during his career and was a comfortable atmosphere for our celebration of Neil’s life. Here is a picture of the group. Around the table are Chuck M., Al W., Steve D., Jose’ M., Tom K., Curt S., Merv W., John C. and Mike G. As you will see, we are all toasting Neil with his favorite cocktail, a vodka martini:







And to document the evening, we all signed a cocktail napkin in Neil’s honor. After all, from our experience, some his best ideas were captured after a few drinks on similar paper products over the years! This napkin, along with the picture of Neil, will be entered into the archives of the Eaton family.







It was a therapeutic evening for all of us, but we are not finished with our celebration yet. Our next get together will be held at Stivers, near Chelsea, Michigan, one of our old favorite watering holes on the way to customer meetings in Detroit when we all lived in the Battle Creek area. This is where many of us consumed many martinis with Neil over the years, so we’ll be toasting one more “Fishbowl Martini” in his honor. We will continue to document our future celebrations as they occur. And some of our future activities will include a round of golf, which I’m sure Neil will approve of.



Neil, we’re sure that there are buyers in heaven just to provide entertainment for you. And don’t forget, as you told us many times, “you can tell they are lying when their lips are moving”! Thanks for the many life’s lessons and the great memories!



Chuck M.

Thank you Rev. Carolyn and Dan!

A special thank you to Carolyn (Mom's dear friend) who did such a wonderful job at the Orlando service. And who checked in on Mom and Dad all the time over the last six months as well. And then she and her husband Dan were brave enough to endure the frigid weather here in Indiana for yet another wonderful service yesterday, despite not feeling well most of the week.

We thank you and Dan so much!

Have a safe trip home and enjoy the warm weather

Dan and Carolyn at the airport on their way back to Florida

Indiana Pictures 12/5/10 (more to come)

Thank you to everyone. More posts coming soon!

There's lots more to say. Please send any of your pictures, thoughts, or writings to johndgilmer@gmail.com and we will get them posted right away here. We hope you will check back here now and then as neilgilmer.com isn't going away. We have 100s of letters and pictures that we will be posting here as time permits- and we can type them all up/get them uploaded- especially things people wrote about Neil over the last several years.

We will also be putting together highlights from the two Celebrations of Life over the next week or so. We hope to have a video uploaded of the Orlando Service as well.

If anyone has pictures of either of the two services please email them when you get a chance.

We, as always, encourage you to send anything/anytime here.

Thank you to all- your support through all of this made it bearable.

With love, thanks and gratitude,

The Gilmer Family

Dad

Two days before dad's passing he made sure to ask me if I would be sure to take care of mom, even if that meant going with her to Indiana, I said, "Don't worry Dad I will do whatever is needed to make sure she is ok." He said, "OK, good!" Love you sweetie!

Then on November 19th after asking everyone to leave the room I had one last moment with my dad....

Ok, I unlike Dean did not or was not able to find the words to tell dad all my thoughts, because truly I was hanging on with him in HOPE that somehow things would turn around by the hand of God... but in the last moments we both knew it was Good - bye for now so here were my simple but heart felt words to him.

"I now hearing is the last to go, so just know dad - I am grateful that you are my dad, and although you didn't think you could be a dad when starting out, I think you did a great job and I am so proud to have you as my daddy! I love you and we'll meet up again one day. Thank you for being MY DAD!"

Prior to these last few moments together I just did my best to show him how much I loved him in ways I never knew I could even do... even foot and head tickles (which he loved, because they so relaxed him) and beyond.... hoping he knew by my actions more than my words just how much he meant to me!

As I reflect on my dad even now, two weeks later (which is hard to believe time has passed so quickly) but here are the areas I have come to see as our common ground (so to speak...) similarities in my dad and me! (*I only really started recognizing some of these in my 40's and especially after his first service many friends came up to me and shared how much like my dad I really am.) Who knew all these existed in me too.... so to dad, I carry on your legacy with:

Humor, Love of music (althought I love Contemporary Christian and you loved Classical) it inspires us both, Alone Quiet Time (to think and learn), the love of animals and nature, The Sky ( I see the hand of a creator, you knew much more of the science side of it all), How to be an Encourager when needed, Sports of all kinds, A need to know how things operate on one level or another (Knowledge) we applied this different, you would offer wisdom and insight learned, and I to help others through difficulties, Friends for Life (and how to maintain them and treasure them), the gift of Story Telling and seeing other quirks and enjoying them in spite of themselves, Special Events (Ground Hog Day & Halloween) and Holidays! And we also both hate to be "Boxed In" or not allowed choices or FREEDOM!

I loved my dad so much and so appreciated the 6 months we shared and grew closer than ever! Miss you dad and think about you so much with all this Christmas music and movies.... wow were you a large part of Christmas for me!

Love,

Ellen

Memorial Service Sunday December 5, 2010 INDIANA

Indiana "Memorial Service"
Date: Sunday, December 5, 2010
Address: Greensfork Community Center
117 E Pearl Street
Greens Fork, IN 47345
Time: 1:00pm
Luncheon to follow service followed by an evening get-together for anyone interested in spending more time with the Gilmer Family at 6:00pm at the Raintree Inn in New Castle, IN.

My last (but not final) conversation with Dad

This is what I recall from my last conversation with Dad on Sunday November 14, 2010.

__________

Dad was alert. There were a couple nurses just outside his bedroom, who had been hovering over him for what seemed like hours working on the colostomy bag. Ellen took them away after we started talking/crying and closed the door.

After crying for quite a while in his hands which were still fairly strong,
I told Dad how much I would miss him and talking to him. Especially on the phone. I told him that much of his advise rings in my ear without ever talking to him though, and thus he would always be with me, as often I have had conversations seeking his advise in my mind when he was nowhere present, and that these sessions would continue. I told him that I often knew what he would say before he spoke. I told him that he was my hero, and about how much I learned from him and about how much he had done for all of us.

I let him know that as a very private man he went through a very degrading process to his body and privacy and that he handled it with incredible dignity. Crying he said "I hope so."

He told me that he was concerned about all of us. I told him not to worry that he had taught us all well and he knew that. He said "Are you sure." I said yes and he said, "I think so, but I worry about all of you." I told him he knew so. I asked him how much he was able to help us over the last six months, and he said "none." And I asked him how we all did and he said "just fine". I told him, then, you know so (that we would all be all right) and he said. "Yes, I know." I told him that we would all take care of each other. He said "I know, thank you."

I also told him, if he could, to check here now and then as I was sure that we would all have some things to say to him through the years. He said "ok I will". (with kind of a 1/4 chuckle)"

I let him know that I hoped/thought we would meet again, and that I guess this is arrivederci. He repeated "arrivederci" cried and closed his eyes. I tickled his feet (one of his favorite things, only slightly in front of attaching a foreign word or phrasing to a situation) until I thought he was asleep. I flew back to Indiana just an hour or so later, he died 5 days after our last conversation; Before I could return for Thanksgiving. I am truly thankful that Mom, Ellen and Mary Anne were all there those final days and that Dad left us peacefully.

'Til we meet again Dad,

Dean