www.NeilGilmer.com: Chuckle while you work

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Chuckle while you work - thanks from Neil

Bryce,
I haven't thought of those things in a long time but your reminding me of them brings out a nice chuckle. Remember austerity is automatic Lobster thermador.

Sandy,
We appreciate your sincere well wishes and we will take to heart your advice regarding all of the work this disease involves. Many thanks for all of your stories as well including thimbles and quarter steaks. If you will recall I believe I called that goofy computer you had to use in Japan the lap pooch. Neil

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Retirement Highligts, Selected Works, J Neil Gilmer, Part I June 1999 (Editor's note: fundamental reading if you sell anything)

AKA NEILISMS:

1. Excellent customer service generally baffles most buyers, so baffle them. Remember, a good deal is normally a perception.
2. Never, never leave money on the table!
3. Charging what the market will bear is fundamentally a good idea! But don't make it obvious.
4. Price leaders generally fool themselves -- with help from the friendly buyer.
5. Two rules apply here:
a. We're here to make money
b. Never forget "A" above
6. Part number and design changes are our best friends.
7. Buyers generally do not give you the whole story -- only the portion that is favorable to them or a version that you'll use to defeat yourself.
8. Most engineers like to play buyer.
9. Remember, if you start a little high, you'll have some room to make the buyer look good. Plus, you will generally obtain a fair price or terms. We should not feel we are above this tactic.
10. Never reveal difficulties that go beyond the scope of the question or task at hand. Remember, perceptions are very important.
11. Price alone is not our game. Differentiate yourself from the pack. Find it and use it.
12. Your competitors have weakness. Find them and exploit them. Be careful, however, not to "bad mouth" your competitor.
13. Your competitor's communication problems are generally worse than yours. Why? You are more effective and persistent then he/she.
14. Most situations generally are a result of an improbable series of blunders and incredible oversights. This is the normal human condition throughout history. Small improvements here put you in a unique position relative to the pack. Plan ahead so screwups don't happen as much.

Things Just Seem to Be This Way (1-42), Selected Works, June 1999 (continued)

1. Competitors who give away samples are in the best possible position to judge their true worth. Samples that are sold at a reasonable price invariably indicate a funded customer program.
2. Prevention is well down the priority list.
3. Small daily applications of maintenance to seemingly mundane matters prevent panics at the most inappropriate times.
4. Closets and desks always somehow manage to be full.
5. Two birds in the bush are more than enough to initiate a development program.
6. Salespeople who allow expense reports to fall into arrears convince everyone that account coverage and price increases are probably in worse shape.
7. Thinking big generally scares everyone
8. An idea before its time is functionally equivalent to no idea at all.
9. People seem to always manage to do what they want to do.
10. Bright and shiny are frequently confused with quality. This can be exploited upon occasion.
11. When it comes to either the principle or the money, you can be 99% certain it's the money.
12. More is generally learned from a customer at lunch, dinner or a social event than all day in his or her office. The CIA and KGB know well this concept. Cloak and dagger is generally appealing anyway.
13. The bigger the customer, the more probably it is that someone there doesn't like you.
14. Associates may not have difficulty keeping secrets, it's just the people they tell that have trouble. Best kept secrets are generally not interesting.
15. Profits concern buyers much more than they bothered Karl Marx.
16. Paradoxically, most corporations secretly desire to be a monopoly while simultaneously extolling the virtues of a competitive market.
17. Rumors generally have some basis in fact.
18. Contingency plans generally imply that the prime path may be flawed. A show ticket is a kind of contingency plan. The scientific approach is almost always trial and error in clever disguise.
19. When more and more data are needed, you should be convinced that there is extreme difficulty in making a decision.
20. Grey is normally the shade. Black or white is easy pickin's, so it generally never gets to you.
21. A good memory is an excuse for a poor filing system.
22. Never use the word, "bottom line" in a negotiation unless you really mean it.
23. Whether it is or not, your buyer should always believe that he's getting a good deal.
24. The more specific the instructions, the more confused someone becomes.
25. Written instructions are seldom acted upon unless confirmed verbally.
26. To make sure that somewhat important written information is promptly read, put it in a confidential envelope.
27. "Rush" generally means someone screwed up somewhere. This is normally an opportunity in disguise.
28. Only B.S. when you know the subject inside and out.
29. A ringing phone will frequently pre-empt personal appearance.
30. A buyer will try to discount technical support, etc., to manipulate you into the price arena. That's his job -- expect it.
31. "What have you done for me today?", is frequently all that matter.
32. Beware of the deal that offers the buyer the honeymoon tonight for the marriage tomorrow.
33. Decision by intuition is generally: experience x insufficient information / time bind
34. Never forget that J-I-T really means almost late.
35. Finger pointing has become the norm in our culture.
36. Some people really enjoy being mad.
37. Animal behavior is remarkably familiar. Tired horses always manage to run to the barn at the end of the day.
38. The best plans generally overlook something.
39. We should avoid self-embarrassment by telling all we know.
40. Part of the story is always good for a snap judgment.
41. After carefully analyzing all the facts, it is normal to rush off and make an emotional decision.
42. "Getting even" generally has a higher price than expeted.

(more to come later on this post)

www.NeilGilmer.com

John Neil Gilmer

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Thursday, June 3, 2010

Chuckle while you work - thanks from Neil

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